de-crabbifying and blog intentions

i'm working really hard on de-crabbifying myself. i love my life, really i do, and i have the best intentions about being a mindful and fully present parent... but i have some issues with maintaining my centered-ness when the troops are restless. it has been challenging for me being a stay-at-home mom this summer-- as in a whole lot of together time. again, love them to pieces, and they make me loco sometimes... kwim?

i find that the worst times come when we stay in the house all day. if there's no where to be at a certain time, i relish the leisureliness of it (it's so different from our pre-noah life where the majority of our mornings, make that our days,  were a frenzied and chaotic rush to eat breakfast-pack lunch-drop L off-drop M off-walk dog-shower-get to work-treat patients-do paperwork until the last possible second-pick him up-pick her up- eat dinner-bath-stories-bed.... repeat ad nauseum... ) so now, when there's no "agenda" i am quite content to hang out at home-- though i get caught up in cleaning, projects, "putzing"-- then suddenly it's 4:30, we're all tired and stir crazy, and then it seems impossible to get our act together to leave the house. And despite the fact that I've been cleaning all freakin' day, the house still isn't clean... and I feel like a hamster on a wheel, and why can't i just relax??? it's such a delicate balance-- not wanting to live in a sty, but also wanting to actually enjoy my children, instead of just cleaning up after them all the time. I think the answer is finally sinking in... get. out. of. the. house. duh...

so yesterday and today were good days. not b/c i "got a lot done", but because we were out and about, and for the most part, all getting along. noah had a pediatrician appt yesterday morning at 10:30 and I actually arrived dressed decently, showered, all three kids in tow, insurance card and stocked diaper bag in hand, and only 9 minutes late. WOO HOO! the big kids were pleasant and cooperative, noah "passed" his exam famously.

we went home for a quick, healthy lunch, 

then off to the park for the afternoon. no timeline. just fun in the fountain, some new friends, monkey bars, coloring, and snacks. 

today we had a good bfast, leisurely morning, then out for errands and fun (I mixed a little toy shopping in with the errands and said yes to mcdonalds playland for about the third time ever in their lives-- b/c burgerville drive-thru is much more efficient, sustainable and healthy, right?-- and also b/c it was way too freakin' hot to be outside and they needed to play). There was one point at the end of the day when they started to get a little crazy in the checkout line at Target (I had to buy a new mop and a breastpump-- we've been trying not to buy anything new all summer but I had to break down today b/c those are two things I am unwilling to buy off craigslist or at goodwill...), and I simply took a deep breath and said, "I really don't want to get crabby with you or lose my patience right now. I really need you to listen to me..." and they did. :)

Horray for the good days. I promise to share a not-so-good day soon, too. I don't want this to be a sunshine-and-roses type of blog. I want it to be real. I have no idea who's reading, and will definitely stop way short of baring my soul here, but I do want to write more down and hope keeping this blog will encourage me to do that. I have tons of pictures of my big kids, but relatively little in writing. I definitely lack confidence in my ability to capture it all, to explain it in words. I'm really struggling with that with Noah right now, I mean, how many different ways can you write, "He's just so incredibly yummy"? I read these incredible blog posts and columns and get intimidated-- I'll never be Catherine Newman or Black Hockey Jesus-- and that almost  makes me want to say "why bother". But I'm going to try to find my writing voice and write down what I can, so that my kiddos will have more to look at than just pictures someday. 

So, if you're there, stay tuned. I hope to get more interesting as the days and weeks go on (or at least until I go back to work...) 

Cheers,

Amy