noah's birth

Warning: This is a detailed account of the birth, and may contain ‘too much information” for many of you. Proceed only if you’re really that interested! :)

Noah’s birth was fast and furious and very surreal. I had been having contractions for a month and a half, so I had stopped thinking, This might be it, every time I felt them regularly. I was tired of waiting around, so I went into the office to get some stuff done. I worked on paperwork, and talked to Carolyn and Jen, glancing at my watch every 3 minutes or so as another contraction came on. They didn’t feel different than what I’d been having, so I didn’t think too much of it. Finally, I couldn’t really focus anymore, and said, “I think I’d better go home.” That was at 1:00. I considered running out to Target first, to return the chair slipcovers that didn’t fit and buy a new phone, but thought I’d better head home “just in case.” I came in and called Dan to come up. “I think, maybe, I could be in labor.” He started the process of checking out of work and filling the tub. At 1:15 I had a particularly crampy contraction and then went to the bathroom and had some bloody show. I called Jen, who was still hours away (returning from the beach) but thought she could be here by 9:00. Considering my previous labors, I thought that would probably be in plenty of time... ha!

I was walking around, bouncing on my feet, and “chi-gonging” my hands during contractions, then taking the time in between to get set up for hours of labor (getting the tub, the music ready, calling in my team, etc). People started to arrive: Julianne, Amanda, Amy, Tracy and Taryn. Levi and Mariah came running in with Ma, saw the tub, looked around with big eyes to be sure they hadn’t already missed baby’s arrival. Levi exclaimed breathlessly, “I’m so excited!” I talked to them a little in between contractions, reminded them about my “belly squeezes”, and warned them I wouldn’t be able to talk to them much when those happened. I tried to reassure them as best as I could that no matter what I sounded like, I’d be all right. Another contraction came and I had to stop talking, to wave my hands in front of me and walk away. There were a couple times I said to Dan, “they’re really close together... this is happening really fast...” but I still didn’t really believe I would have a fast labor. There was a series of problems with the tub. First, a leaky connector that was causing the precious hot water to drip too much-- but between duct tape and a bucket, Dan got that one solved and soon the tub was on its way to being filled with hot water. Then Tracy got here and noticed we had forgotten the liner. Mom got stressed, “Oh no! They’re already having problems with the water...” I held up my hands and snapped a bit. I didn’t want any mention of “problems”, any conflict. We need to drain it, it’s okay. That was my big mistake. We could have drained it into the bathtub so I could start out in there. Better yet, we could have just bought the tub and I could have climbed in it right then. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I still thought we had plenty of time.

I continued dancing around, sat on the toilet a bit, bounced on the birth ball-- then before I could even get the candles on the altar lit, I had to lay down on the bed. I desperately wanted to be in the tub. Tracy was in the bedroom with me, and we briefly talked about her checking me for dilation. We decided to do it between contractions, but there just wasn’t time. They were so close together and intensifying so quickly. and I called Dan in. He held my hand and put pressure on my sacrum. But he kept leaving the room, to go deal with the tub drama. I didn’t feel the intense connection we had during the other two births. We hadn’t gotten grounded yet. It was all happening too fast, and it was still too chaotic in the house. My contractions were quickly right on top of each other, and my low, calm, humming quickly got louder, higher, not-so-calm. There was so much pressure, so low, and oh-my-god that’s what everyone means by an “urge to push”-- I had never felt that before, and how on earth am I feeling it already? It was only about 3:30 at this point. I tried ignoring it, surpressing it-- I wasn’t ready yet, dammit. I wanted to be in the tub. It’s not supposed to be happening this way! I said to Tracy things like, “I’ve always wanted to speed it up, I never thought I’d want to slow it down,” and “I feel like I’m holding it back.” It felt like I was trying to squeeze my butt cheeks together, as if trying to hold back a huge dump when out in public and can’t get to the toilet fast enough. But there was no stopping it. “Is there any water in the tub?” I asked. They said there was about a foot, so I went to it, stripping off my clothes as I walked. I climbed in, expecting the comforting warmth, and instead was shocked because it was cold. Not lukewarm. Cold. But I got in anyway, and stayed. There was no turning back. I may as well get it over with. I pushed. I felt his head descend, and soon, with some screams and intense pain, it was out. It’s almost over. More contractions came. I continued to push. Baby still didn’t come. The mood turned serious. They started moving my leg, lifting it up, trying to keep his head out of the cold water. Then I felt Tracy’s entire hand inside me. I screamed “What are you doing to me???” My eyes were closed. I had no idea where anyone was. I couldn’t feel Dan. Julianne was at my head, holding my hand and telling me everything was okay (I know this only because she reminded me later). The pain was excruciating, unbearable, insane. I screamed and screamed and screamed some more and though the urge was gone and I wasn’t even feeling contractions, I knew I had to get the baby out. I took a deep breath and pushed with everything I had. Somehow, about 7 minutes after the head, the rest of the baby’s body finally emerged and someone behind me caught him. I couldn’t turn around, couldn’t move, couldn’t see. There was a tiny, sputtering cough and huge sighs of relief. I found a way to stand, so they could pass the baby between my legs in into my hands, and there was Dan next to me, and this slippery, not-exactly-pink, entire little person in my arms, covered in blood and meconium and I cried and shook and held him and kissed him and couldn’t believe he had come so quickly, and then so slowly. A boy. Noah. Just like I knew he would be.

I held him close in my left arm, and used my right hand to wash the blood and meconium away. He was pale, slippery, and so so soft. His tone wasn’t perfect, but he cried and nursed and got stronger and pinker by the second. Pretty soon, they said we couldn’t stay in the tub because it was too cold. I could barely stand up and couldn’t lift my leg over the side of the tub. Someone helped me brace myself and get my legs to work, and we made it into the bedroom. The kids were with us then and we all climbed in and started cuddling our new little lovebug. Our whole birth team came in and one of the midwives asked his name. I had to take a big breath to get past the huge lump in my throat (which was raw from screaming), and in a scratchy, slightly shaky voice I replied, “This is Noah Eric,” as I kissed him, and looked up to see the tears in Ma’s eyes.